5 Feedback Phrases that Build Trust (not tension)

Let’s be honest - most of us weren’t really taught how to give great feedback. We picked it up on the job, stumbled through it, learned what not to say after a few awkward conversations, and maybe (just maybe) had a manager or mentor who modeled how to do it well. 

But here’s the thing: feedback is SO important. Feedback is one of the most powerful tools we have to build trust, grow others, and create teams where people actually want to show up and do their best work.

Unfortunately, it’s also one of the most misunderstood (and often misused) parts of leadership and communication. Too often, it feels like walking a tightrope - trying to be honest without being harsh, direct without being cold, kind without watering things down. 

Sound familiar?

The good news: it doesn’t have to feel that way. When feedback is rooted in trust, empathy, and clarity, it becomes less about pointing out problems - and more about investing in people. Real, honest feedback can actually strengthen relationships, create a culture of openness, and support, and move people forward. 

In this blog, I’m sharing 5 feedback phrases that do exactly that. These are simple, intentional ways to shift your language so your message lands with clarity and care - and builds connection instead of creating tension. 

Whether you’re a people leader, a project lead, or just someone who wants to communicate better, this is your cheat sheet for feedback that actually works. 

Let’s dive in. 

1. “What I appreciate about your approach is…”

One of the biggest misconceptions about feedback is that it should focus only on what’s not working. But that approach can backfire - fast. When people feel like all they hear is what they need to fix, they stop listening, shut down, or lose motivation. 

This phrase flips that script. 

Starting with “What I appreciate about your approach is…” instantly sets a supportive tone. It shows the person that you’re paying attention to their strengths - not just their shortcomings. You’re acknowledging what they’re doing right before guiding them toward what could be even stronger. 

And here’s the secret: most people already have the foundation of what they need to succeed. They don’t need to be “fixed” - they need to be refocused.

By highlighting a positive behaviour, you reinforce it. You show you trust them. And then, from that place of trust, you invite them to stretch further. 

Why it works:

• It shifts the energy. From critique to encouragement.

• It builds trust. People feel safe when they know their efforts are seen and valued. 

• It boosts confidence. When people hear what’s working, they’re more open to improving what’s not. 

• It reinforces a growth mindset. Feedback becomes part of development, not a personal judgement. 

Example in action:

Let’s say someone on your team is great at taking initiative - but their communication style sometimes causes confusion. You could say: 

❌”You need to be clearer in your updates.” (Oof. Defensive mode: activated.)

Or, you could say:

 ✅ “What I appreciate about your approach is how proactive you are - let’s talk about how to bring more clarity into your updates so the team can keep up with your pace.”

See the difference? You’re not just pointing out a gap - you’re recognizing their value and guiding them toward refinement. 

This approach doesn’t dilute the message - it elevates it. Because when someone feels trusted and seen, they don’t just accept feedback - they act on it. 

2. “Can I share an observation with you?”

Feedback is so much more powerful when it feels like a conversation, not a confrontation. And one of the easiest ways to make that shift? Ask for permission. 

The simple question - “Can I share an observation with you?” - does a lot of heavy lifting. It signals respect. It gives the other person a moment to prepare mentally. And it opens the door for dialogue, not just direction. 

By inviting someone into the conversation, you’re shifting the dynamic from one-sided critique to two-way collaboration. You’re not talking at them - you’re talking with them. 

Why it works:

• It honors autonomy. You’re showing that their perspective matters. 

• It builds mutual respect. You’re not assuming - you’re asking.

• It eases defensiveness. When someone feels included in the process, they’re more likely to stay open.

• It creates a pause. That moment of asking creates space - a mini reset that can shift the tone completely. 

This phrase also works well when you’re unsure how feedback will land, or when you’re offering insight into something more sensitive. It sets a respectful tone and makes it clear you’re coming from a place of support, not superiority. 

Example in action:

Imagine someone just led a touch client call and stayed calm under pressure, but missed a chance to clarify something important. You could say:

❌”You should have cleared that up with the client.” (Fast track to defensiveness.)

Or instead:

✅”Can I share an observation with you? I noticed you handled that client call really calmly - there was just one moment I think we can build on to make your message even stronger.”

You’ve just created space for growth without putting the other person on edge. You’re showing that your intent is to support, not to judge. And that makes all the difference. 

Great feedback isn’t about point out flaws - it’s about pointing someone toward their next level. This phrase helps you do just that, with empathy and impact. 

3. “How can I support you in this?”

Too often, feedback is delivered like a handoff: “Here’s what you need to fix - good luck!” But true leadership isn’t just about identifying what needs to improve. It’s about walking alongside someone as they grow through it. 

That’s why this phrase - “How can I support you in this?” - is so powerful. 

It reframes the conversation from correction to collaboration. You’re not just pointing out the issue; you’re showing up as a partner in solving it. That single sentence communicates: “I’ve got your back.”

And when people feel supported, they’re more likely to take ownership, try new approaches, and stay engaged - even when the work gets hard. 

Why it works:

• It builds trust. You’re not abandoning someone to figure things out alone.

• It signals partnership. Feedback isn’t a top-down directive; it’s a shared journey.

• It invites openness. People feel safer asking for what they need. 

• It shifts the mindset. From “I’m being judged” to “I’m being invested in.”

This question also creates space for meaningful dialogue. You might uncover root causes like workload bottlenecks, unclear priorities, or even personal challenges - things that can’t be solved without leadership support. 

Example in action:

Say a team member has missed a few deadlines lately. The typical approach might sound like:

❌”You need to manage your time better.” (Not helpful - and probably frustrating.)

But instead, try this:

✅”I noticed a few deadlines slipped - how can I support you in staying ahead?”

This opens the door to collaboration. Maybe they’re overwhelmed. Maybe they need clearer timelines. Maybe there’s a personal situation affecting their focus. Regardless, now they know they’re not alone - and that matters more than you think.

Offering support doesn’t mean lowering expectations. It means creating an environment where growth is possible - and sustainable. This phrase helps you do both. 

4. “I trust your judgement on this, and I’d love to offer a perspective.”

When you’re giving feedback to someone who’s skilled, experienced, or already doing great work, the last thing you want is to come across as dismissive or condescending. That’s where this phrase shines.

By starting with “I trust your judgement…”, you’re affirming their expertise. You’re saying, “I know you’ve got this - and I’m here to contribute, not override.” It’s an incredibly respectful way to offer feedback without making the other person feel like their work is being questioned. 

And when you follow up with “I’d love to offer a perspective,” you’re giving them space to receive your insight rather than forcing it on them. It’s gentle. It’s collaborative. And it builds connection rather than control.

Why it works:

• It honours experience. You’re acknowledging that they have credibility and competence. 

• It invites, rather than imposes. You’re contributing, not correcting.

• It fosters mutual respect. You’re saying, “I value your work and I want to help strengthen it.”

• It builds trust and openness. Especially in peer-to-peer or upward feedback situations, this phrase softens delivery and encourages an honest, constructive exchange.

This is especially effective when working with high performers or senior team members. It maintains the balance between showing respect and still contributing valuable insight - something great leaders and collaborators do well.

Example in action:

Let’s say someone on your team is designing a presentation, and while their structure is solid, you think the narrative flow could be tighter. You could say:

❌”I think the structure is off - we should change it.” (Not a great way to engage a confident, capable person.)

Instead, try:

✅”I trust your judgement on how to structure the deck - I’d love to offer a perspective on the flow that might help us tie the story together even more clearly.”

This approach encourages partnership. It keeps ego out of the conversation and leaves the door open for dialogue, not defensiveness. You’re not taking over - you’re offering value. 

That’s the sweet spot of feedback: where confidence and humility can co-exist. And this phrase helps you land right there.

5. “Let’s figure this out together.”

When something doesn’t go as planned - a project flops, a conversation goes sideways, or a deadline gets missed - emotions can run high. People may feel frustrated, discouraged, or even embarrassed. And that’s exactly when your words matter most.

Instead of assigning blame or digging into what went wrong right away, this phrase - “Let’s figure it out together.” - signals unity. It puts you on the same team, focused on solutions instead of mistakes. It helps calm defensiveness and invites collaboration, even in tense or emotionally charged moments. 

It’s a simple but powerful reminder that growth doesn’t have to be lonely or shame-filled. It can be shared - and that’s what trust is built on. 

Why it works:

• It removes blame. The focus shifts from “Who messed up?” to “What can we learn?”

• It adds unity. You’re reinforcing a team mindset, not a hierarchy of judgement. 

• It softens tension. Especially helpful in high-stakes or emotionally loaded situations. 

• It fosters trust. People are more likely to reflect and take responsibility when they don’t feel cornered.

This phrase is particularly effective when emotions are raw or the stakes are high. It acts as a reset - a way to move forward together, rather than dwelling on the past. 

Example in action:

Imagine a team meeting didn’t go well. The energy was off, decisions were unclear, and some people left feeling frustrated. Instead of saying:

❌”That meeting didn’t go well - what happened?” (Instant defensiveness.)

Try this:

✅”The meeting didn’t land the way we wanted - let’s figure this out together for next time.”

This invites problem-solving without shaming anyone. It keeps the lines of communication open and encourages honest reflection. Most importantly, it lets your team know: “I’m with you - not against you.”

Great leaders don’t just correct missteps - they co-create better outcomes. This phrase helps you turn a moment of tension into an opportunity for trust, learning, and shared growth.

Bonus Tips: Giving Feedback That Builds Trust

The phrases we’ve covered are incredibly effective, but even the most thoughtful words can lose their power if the delivery doesn’t feel safe, sincere, or supportive. Feedback isn’t just about what you say - it’s about how you say it, when you say it, and what you do afterward.

So, if you want your feedback to build trust (not tension), here are a few essential tips that take your conversation to the next level - complete with examples:

1. Your tone and body language say as much as - or more than - your words.

Think about this: You can say “I believe in you” in a warm, calm tone and it feels like encouragement. But say it with a flat voice, crossed arms, or while looking away, and suddenly it lands as hollow or even sarcastic.

Trust-building feedback starts with presence. Are you making eye contact? Are your arms open or folded? Are you speaking with genuine care or just trying to check a box? 

Example:

✅Supportive delivery: “I really appreciate how you handled that situation - you stayed calm under pressure.” (said with a smile, steady tone, relaxed posture)

❌ Tense delivery: “I appreciate it, I guess.” (said quickly, arms crossed, avoided eye contact)

People don’t just remember your words - they remember how you made them feel. Your nonverbals can either reinforce trust or erode it. 

2. Follow up - feedback isn’t a one-and-done moment.

Giving feedback isn’t the end of the story. The real trust is built in the after. Did you check in a week later? Did you notice small wins? Did you continue the conversation, or did you vanish until the next problem?

Following up shows you care not just about performance, but about the person. 

Example:

After saying, “Let’s figure this out together,” follow up later with:

✅”I’ve been thinking about our conversation - I appreciated how you showed up for it. Have you had a chance to try out that new approach? Anything I can do to support you this week?”

This kind of continuity turns feedback into a relationship, not just a moment of correction. 

3. Make feedback regular and low-stakes - not rare and reactive.

If the only time someone hears feedback from you is during a review or when something goes wrong, they’ll start associating feedback with fear. But when it’s baked into everyday conversations, it becomes a natural part of growth and communication.

Example:

Rather than saving feedback for formal meetings, sprinkle it in casually:

✅”Hey, that email you sent was super clear - I think that structure really works. Keep using that format!”

✅ “Quick thought - what if we try flipping the order of the slides next time? Just an idea to consider.”

These micro-feedback moments build a feedback culture where people expect input and welcome it - because they know it’s not about judgement, it’s about support.

Final Thought

Trust isn’t built on the big, dramatic moments. It’s built in small, consistent actions - the way you choose your words, the way you follow up, the way you show someone they matter beyond their output. 

When you approach feedback as a tool for connection - not control - everything changes. Teams become happier. Growth becomes possible. And the workplace becomes a space where people can do their best work because they feel seen, respected and supported.